I nodded.... thoughts on how I define myself.

I just nodded…

To be polite you know.

And maybe I wasn’t really taking the time to think about your statement and whether or not I truly agreed.

Maybe I thought I agreed, because it sounded smart or inspired even, but then on further reflection, it just didn’t assimilate well with what I already believe.

Maybe it just wasn’t the time nor place for further and more meaningful conversation.

These moments bring heightened awareness to what I believe and why.   Considering a contrasting opinion does that in a most valuable way.

Here is an example.  A friend told me that she doesn’t share (with a new person she meets) that she is married or has children.  She says this is because “her relationships do not define her”.  It sounded so confident and full of self assurance, independence and wholeness of individuality that I decided to try it on for size. 

It didn’t fit.

I am most accurately defined by my relationships.  I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a redeemed child of God.  In these relationships I learn about myself and am able to express my individuality.  By contrasting my feelings, thoughts and actions with the people I am in relationship with, I see more clearly how I am unique.  Embracing who I really am gives me freedom to be authentic, not seek to be something all together different.  Without my relationships, certainly I can define my personality and abilities, my passions and choices; but only in the context of relationships do those things have meaning.

This has made me perhaps more mindful of my relationships, more deliberate about them and certainly, more grateful for them.  They reveal me, shape me, reprimand me.  And without them, I’m not sure I could tell you just who I am.