I nodded.... thoughts on how I define myself.

I just nodded…

To be polite you know.

And maybe I wasn’t really taking the time to think about your statement and whether or not I truly agreed.

Maybe I thought I agreed, because it sounded smart or inspired even, but then on further reflection, it just didn’t assimilate well with what I already believe.

Maybe it just wasn’t the time nor place for further and more meaningful conversation.

These moments bring heightened awareness to what I believe and why.   Considering a contrasting opinion does that in a most valuable way.

Here is an example.  A friend told me that she doesn’t share (with a new person she meets) that she is married or has children.  She says this is because “her relationships do not define her”.  It sounded so confident and full of self assurance, independence and wholeness of individuality that I decided to try it on for size. 

It didn’t fit.

I am most accurately defined by my relationships.  I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a redeemed child of God.  In these relationships I learn about myself and am able to express my individuality.  By contrasting my feelings, thoughts and actions with the people I am in relationship with, I see more clearly how I am unique.  Embracing who I really am gives me freedom to be authentic, not seek to be something all together different.  Without my relationships, certainly I can define my personality and abilities, my passions and choices; but only in the context of relationships do those things have meaning.

This has made me perhaps more mindful of my relationships, more deliberate about them and certainly, more grateful for them.  They reveal me, shape me, reprimand me.  And without them, I’m not sure I could tell you just who I am.

Saturday Night Fever

Here it is; the summary of my past three days.
Tracking my 5 year old son's fever from 105.5 and back and still cruising at 99 on day four.
I wanted to be prepared with his stats should it turn serious enough to see a doctor.


He never felt sick.  If you asked him how he felt, he enthusiastically said "AWESOME!" and would show you with a fist how he was going to "knock out this germ". 
This morning I asked what he'd like to do and he said, "Well, watch a movie.  That's what we do when we're sick you know."  So we watched a movie.
I did speak with a nurse this morning who verified that we should just continue as we have been and do not need to come to the clinic.


I am extra thankful that the OTC medications and lukewarm baths managed the fever well.
I am thankful for the scanning thermometer that has made it so easy to track his temps, even while he is sleeping.  These things rock.
I am grateful for the wealth of information on the internet so that I was able to make educated decisions about our course of treatment for him.

It's times like this when I am reminded of how big a job motherhood is.  As my kids grow and don't need my constant attention and care; I am glad to be available without the stress of other commitments when they do need me.

Narcissistic?

Cultural Dictionary

narcissism  [( nahr -suh-siz-uhm)]

A consuming self-absorption or self-love; a type of egotism. Narcissists constantly assess their appearance, desires, feelings, and abilities.

I am such a poor blogger.  I recognize several reasons for this, the most potent being laziness and forgetfulness.  I figure that updating facebook is easier and does the job just fine.  Frequently I am surprised to remember that I even have a blog. (Oh, yes! THAT bookmark.  I should really update that soon).
But another looming reason I don't blog is that I worry it will come off as narcissistic.  After all, isn't the blog about me and my thoughts and experiences?  And who am I to think that anyone else wants to read about that?  So I just don't write. 


The silly thing is- I love reading the blogs of other people!  I love reading books about other people's thoughts, feelings, experiences, and dreams!  And furthermore, no one is having this blog pushed upon them like a playwright running around to directors and publishers trying to get noticed.  (Have you seen 'Don't Eat the Daisies"?- great show)

So note to self:
Blog for yourself.  Because you like to write.  You like to look back and see what adventures you wrote about.  You have thoughts and dreams and experiences that would benefit from being hammered out on the screen for further examination.  Be authentic and don't think about who might see it and what just such a viewer might want to see. It isn't for them; it's for you.

Thanks, self.  Thanks.